What God is doing in my life!

I want to testify to what the Lord is doing in my life. He has powerfully taken hold of me, revealed Himself in deeper ways, and has brought me to heights of glory and joy I have never experienced in eight years of walking with Him. I want my testimony to be an encouragement. I wish I could impart to you the grace that has been given to me that it might spark a flame and turn into fire! Let me tell you what God has done to me! How He has answered my prayers! He has given me such a great and precious thing and I desire to cling to Him and run harder, not to lose this passion, but for this to only intensify that I might run harder for Christ and be an encouragement and help to the body.

At the beginning of this year during prayer and fasting I wrote down a list of personal resolutions, 23 things that I wanted the Lord to do in my life, to transform my character and to make me more like Christ. I wanted to be disciplined, and had also been working on getting up early and seeking the Lord. So many mornings I spent in agony, in prayer asking the Lord to give me zeal and passion, to open His Word to me, to give me a thirst, a hunger and a desire. I so longed to be near to Him and I prayed and prayed for Him to come. Many mornings were like this and sometimes I’d just weep because I knew that in my own power I was not able to live out the Christian life as my heart longed to. To share the gospel and preach boldly, being humble, broken, and burdened. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t muster up strength and passion. I needed the Lord to give it to me and I wanted it so badly.

Just before the beginning of the year I also started memorizing the sermon on the mount. I really wanted to live out what was in this sermon, I wanted to be the beatitudes. I knew that there was some fruit there, but in my life I saw so much of the opposite and I wanted that to change.

I began to yield myself to obey the Lord, He was slowly showing me to trust Him completely, even when He seemed to be so far away. And I began to drop things that were idols, I began to drop things that were in the way. Much of my answer to prayer came in the form of trial and chastisement. It was not very pleasant, yet I began to believe, when before I had such little faith. The Lord was preparing me for something. He was emptying me of everything. The idols were dying, I was finding freedom and rejoicing. And then the Lord came.

I went to the conference with Steve Lawson. The only sermon I was able to go to was the one on the life of George Whitefield. I remember being there as if it was yesterday, the Lord powerfully poured out His Spirit on the place. It was like the Lord poured out on me and gave me a greater measure of grace than I had before. He gave me a gift of grace. He grabbed my heart and I took hold of Him and I believe that I will never ever be the same. I had an experience with God that changed my life, and ever since then the Lord has been opening up deep treasures in His Word, and revealing to me greater depths of His love and His heart. The Lord so overpowered me that day, to the point I could hardly bear it, I was on the verge of crying out in agony, joy, conviction, and falling on my face to either worship or vomit because of the conviction and that my life and passion was not as it ought to be as one chosen by Christ. I was overwhelmed with joy, the words of that sermon continue to ring in my ears and grip me.
I have had a desire and burden to open air preach for three years. I have wrestled over it, is this for me? Is this right? Is there any sin in this? God is this truly what you want me to do? Lord, I don’t see women doing this, I have been opposed, I have had people come against me and say that it is wrong. I am torn and confused because this burns on my heart. Every time I read about proclaiming from the rooftops, shouting from the rooftops in scripture, my heart burns within me because it is what my heart longs for in regard to proclaiming the gospel.

Saturday I wanted to go downtown and preach. It had been raining all day. I went outside to check the mail and walked out into a gloriously beautiful day, the sun was shining the birds were singing and I exclaimed in my heart, “Lord! What a beautiful day to go and share the gospel!” And I pondered, should I go? Should I preach? If I do not step out in faith today, why will I tomorrow? If I will not stand and preach and lift up my voice like a trumpet today, when will I be willing? Oh Lord, how I want to go. Well, I opened the mailbox and there was a little card addressed to me. I opened it to find a card from Diego and Nedelka saying that they had been praying for me to boldly proclaim the gospel. I was so excited, it was the little bit of encouragement I needed to go.

So I went and I was excited that Aric and Jacquelyn came with me. A lot happened that night but I will just share a little bit. We weren’t there long before it began to rain, but when we prayed the Lord took away the rain. Even though we were surrounded by dark clouds, thunder, and lighting there was no more rain for hours. Jacquelyn prayed for me and I prayed and then I stood up and proclaimed the gospel. I cannot express to you the amount of joy that I found in that. It was as if the Lord lifted me and held me in His hands. I could feel His arms around me, I could feel His heart for the people, I could almost hear His gentle whisper to me, this is what I made you for. Though there was sorrow and sadness over the depravity of the people, which was brought out in their mockery and ridicule, I was filled with joy and worship to the Lord in my heart. I cannot express to you what I felt as I drove home that night, I felt so near the Lord I said, Lord I could die right now and be so happy, not because of what I have done, but because of how you have drawn me to yourself! I cannot express to you what it was like when I got home and looked at my mother, it was so strange. Because the presence of the Lord was so real that night and God was so close to me when I looked at her I realized that she seemed less real than the Lord that was near me. God was more real to me than my mother whom I have known all my life, who gave birth to me, it was so strange. I cannot describe what I felt when I laid my head on my pillow that night when I realized my mind was empty of everything but Christ. It was so clear and pure and void of sin, temptation, as if the Lord was giving me a picture of what it meant to walk in a body of flesh and to be void of sin, for just a few hours. No sin, no struggle, no temptation, just pure joy, peace, and quieted mind and spirit to commune with the Lord, it was so amazing. I thought about what I heard that day about George Whitefield, how he really lived. And I praised the Lord, for allowing me that day to truly live.

The Lord answers prayer. He truly gives us what we ask for. He comes in power when the time is right, and never a moment too late to meet our need. I am thankful, I boast in my God and what He has done in me. I know that none of it is of me, but all of Him!